she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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