If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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