i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Randomize
