I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
