It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
