Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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