Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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