If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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