He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
