No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
