Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
