dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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