i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
