margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
