Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
