there's paper in my vomit.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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