he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
