you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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