Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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