Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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