So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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