so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
