there's paper in my vomit.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
