this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your cock deserves a montage
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
