his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
