too bad you live with your parents still
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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