oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
