I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
