i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
