I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
