On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
