remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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