Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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