he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
