He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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