i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
