I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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