If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
