why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
