That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
