I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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