God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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