need another drink. this is the easiest way
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My life is pants optional.
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