How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
