Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
