Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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