i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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