I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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