Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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