okay pat passed out under dana's car
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
