i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
