Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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