talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
