O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
