xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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