I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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