You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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