we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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