Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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