He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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