so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
