Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
