Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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