I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
