Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
