I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I party with great urgency now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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