I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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