i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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