Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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