My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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