did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
