Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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