Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
