It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I forget how to act sober
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