one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize