I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
