Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
