I'm jealous of your bromance
i would punch a child for taco bell
I am spending my child support on dildos
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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