just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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