i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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