i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
